Stephanie Rigg

Hi Reader Last week I shared a post on Instagram that struck a chord in a big way. It was about self-abandonment, and how the relationship we have with ourselves sets the tone for every other relationship in our lives. I've never met someone who deeply fears abandonment, who doesn't also regularly abandon themselves. I've never met someone who is terrified of rejection, who doesn't also reject, criticise, and shame parts of themselves on a daily basis. I've never met someone who constantly...

Hi Reader When we hear about nervous system regulation, we often picture the gentler practices: breathwork, meditation, nature walks, long baths. And while I’m a big advocate for all of these, the warm and cosy side of nervous system care is only one part of the equation. The truth is, a healthy nervous system isn’t one that’s relaxed all the time. Its job, first and foremost, is to keep us alive — so if it were geared only towards rest and relaxation, it wouldn’t be doing its job very well....

Hi Reader There's a particular exhaustion that comes with feeling like you're always the one reaching out, always initiating, always trying harder. It's that powerless, anxiety-inducing feeling when you know you're doing most of the heavy lifting in your relationship. Maybe you're the one texting first, making the plans, suggesting the date nights, or focusing on ways to improve the relationship. You drop everything to accommodate their preferences and schedule — and then feel that slow burn...

Hi Reader Something I’ve been reflecting on a lot lately is the gifts of anxious attachment. I know that might sound strange at first. We tend to spend so much time focused on what’s hard about being anxiously attached — the overthinking, the insecurity, the second-guessing, the way we can lose ourselves in longing or feel so vulnerable in relationships. But what if some of those very traits — the ones you might have spent years trying to fix or hide — were actually reflections of your...

Hi Reader For those of us with insecure attachment patterns, boundaries can feel really fraught. And not just setting them — but being on the receiving end of them, too. When you’ve spent much of your life trying to keep people close, anything that feels like a rupture can trigger a deep sense of danger. A partner saying “I don’t want to talk about this right now” might not land as a calm, respectful limit — it may register as rejection. A simple “no” can register as abandonment. And that...

Hi Reader For this week's newsletter, I’m talking about something a little different: our relationship to rest, pleasure, and feeling good. This is one of those themes that can seem peripheral at first glance — maybe even indulgent or beside the point when we’re focused on “doing the work.” But in actual fact, it’s essential. Because if we don’t feel safe to rest… if we don’t believe we deserve to feel good… then it’s very hard to build a life that feels nourishing, secure, and whole. For...

Hi Reader How are you? I hope all is well in your world. Today I want to talk about jealousy. Navigating jealousy can be such a loaded experience — so intense, so destabilising, and so hard to sit with — yet so difficult to talk about without shame or self-judgment. And if you have anxious attachment patterns, chances are you’ve been told, directly or indirectly, that your feelings are “too much,” that you’re “overreacting,” or that you need to “just trust more" — all of which tends to...

Hi Reader If you’ve been feeling a bit lost in your relationship lately — like the connection is strained, the spark has faded, or every attempt to repair just falls flat — you’re not alone. Most relationships go through seasons like this. Periods where the closeness you once felt feels harder to access. Where conversations lack depth, intimacy feels distant, and even your efforts to patch things up seem to create more tension than relief. These stretches can feel lonely and confusing,...

Hi Reader If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re in the right season to do the work of healing your attachment patterns — whether it would be easier if you were single, or more effective if you were in a relationship — you’re not alone. This is a question I hear all the time. And underneath it is often a deeper desire — for clarity, for certainty, for a roadmap that will guarantee transformation if we just follow the right steps. But as with all areas of life, there is no perfect solution —...

Hi Reader There’s a particular kind of grief that you encounter when life hasn’t unfolded the way you thought it would. Maybe you thought you’d be in a loving partnership by now — but instead you're navigating a sense of loneliness and longing around being single.Maybe you strived to build a life that looked good on paper, only to realise it doesn’t feel like yours.Maybe you did everything “right” — and still wound up somewhere very different to what you'd envisioned and hoped for. These...