Hi Reader

How are you? I hope all is well in your world and you've been taking good care of yourself.

Today I wanted to share some thoughts about some of the changes you can expect as you do the work to move from anxious to secure attachment. While it's not an overnight change, as you build more internal security and self-worth, you’ll start to notice shifts in how you think, feel, and act in relationships.

Having worked with thousands of people on healing their anxious attachment, I believe these are some of the most encouraging signs that you’re moving towards a more securely attached, confident version of yourself.

1. You’re getting better at validating yourself and your experience

Previously, you may have depended heavily on others to confirm your feelings, perception, and experiences before trusting their validity. As you become more secure, you might notice an increased ability to look inward and validate yourself without needing constant reassurance from external sources. This shift comes from recognising that your feelings are real and that your experience is inherently valid, even if others don’t always agree or approve. As a result, you feel more grounded and confident in yourself and less invested in convincing others to see things from your perspective.

2. You’re becoming more comfortable with space in relationships

For many anxiously attached individuals, the uncertainty that comes with time apart from a partner can trigger fears around abandonment, rejection or betrayal. As you become more secure, you start to see space as a normal and healthy part of relationships, rather than a sign that something is wrong. You’ve developed tools to self-soothe during these periods, reminding yourself that connection doesn’t require constant proximity. You’re also learning to enjoy and value your time alone, using it to reconnect with your own needs and interests. This shift allows you to approach relationships with more trust, ease, and a sense of security.

3. You’re better able to ground yourself when triggered

Anxiously attached people often feel very overwhelmed when triggered, leading to emotionally-driven reactions like lashing out, over-communicating or sulking. A sign of growth is when you can notice these triggers and pause before reacting, choosing instead to reorient yourself towards something more constructive. By regulating your emotions in this way, you reduce anxiety and feel more in control of how you respond to challenging situations. Over time, this ability to self-regulate builds self-trust and allows you to approach relationships with a calmer and more balanced perspective.

4. You’re no longer interested in strategising, game-playing, or striving for approval

In the past, you might have overanalysed interactions or constantly adjusted your behaviour to gain someone’s affection or approval. Now, you’re more focused on showing up authentically and letting relationships unfold naturally. You no longer feel the need to craft the “perfect” text or pretend to be easy-breezy in hopes of earning someone’s love. This change reflects a growing sense of self-respect and confidence, as you recognise that true connection doesn’t require manipulation or striving. By letting go of these behaviours, you free yourself from unnecessary stress and create space for genuine, reciprocal relationships.

5. You ask for what you need (mostly) without fear and anxiety

Communicating your needs in relationships can feel incredibly high-risk when you fear being judged, rejected, or seen as “too much.” As you become more secure, you start to see your needs as valid and worth expressing, rather than something to hide or downplay. You’ve learned to ask for what you need calmly and directly, without apologising or feeling overly anxious about the outcome. This shift is rooted in the belief that healthy relationships thrive on honest communication and mutual respect. By advocating for yourself, you create more balanced and fulfilling dynamics with your partner.

Healing anxious attachment is a brave and transformative process that requires commitment, patience, and self-compassion. If you’ve started to notice these changes in yourself, I want you to take a moment to celebrate how far you’ve come.

And if you’re still working on these areas, know that you’re building the foundation for healthier, more fulfilling relationships, starting with the one you have with yourself.

As always, I'd love to hear if this resonated with you — feel free to hit reply and let me know.

Sending love,

Steph

PS. Want to read the remaining 5 signs of growth? Click here to check out my recent blog post 10 Signs You’re Healing Anxious Attachment and Becoming More Secure.

PPS. If you're ready to really commit to healing your anxious attachment and would like my support, consider joining my signature 8-week course Healing Anxious Attachment. Over 2,300 students have been through the program and it always gets rave reviews! Join us & get started today ✨