Hi Reader
If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re in the right season to do the work of healing your attachment patterns — whether it would be easier if you were single, or more effective if you were in a relationship — you’re not alone.
This is a question I hear all the time. And underneath it is often a deeper desire — for clarity, for certainty, for a roadmap that will guarantee transformation if we just follow the right steps.
But as with all areas of life, there is no perfect solution — only trade-offs.
Being single can offer spaciousness — more time, more energy, fewer relational triggers pulling you off course. You can turn inward, tend to yourself, and build the inner scaffolding that so many anxiously attached folks have long neglected.
You can create a season of deep self-devotion.
You can reorient your life around your own joy and vitality, rather than staying stuck in a cycle of overfunctioning or searching for external validation.
But of course, growth in isolation has its limits.
Because the wounds we carry — the ones that tell us we’re too much, not enough, unlovable, or that people always leave — were often formed in relationship.
And some of the most powerful healing experiences happen in relationship, too.
Like the moment you voice a need and someone doesn’t withdraw.
The moment you’re seen — fully — and not rejected, but held.
The moment you move through rupture and repair together, and your body learns a new truth: I can be loved here.
Those are the experiences that rewire us.
That remind us vulnerability can be deeply safe and nourishing.
But while certain wounds may only truly begin to heal through corrective relational experiences — moments where we’re met with care, attunement, and acceptance — it’s important to acknowledge that not all relationships offer the conditions those experiences require.
If the dynamic is marked by constant rupture without meaningful repair, if there’s more chaos than steadiness, more fear than safety — then your nervous system may remain locked in self-protection.
And in that state, it’s hard to soften, to trust, and to rewrite the old story.
So yes, healing in relationship is possible (and can be beautiful) — but only when the relationship itself is a safe enough container to support your growth. Otherwise, it may simply reinforce the very patterns you're working so hard to shift.
All of this to say: there is no right way. There is no singular path to healing that will look the same to everyone. And there is work to be done no matter where you find yourself in this season of life.
So rather than asking "Should I be somewhere other than where I am in order to do this work?", consider asking "How can I best support myself in the here and now? Where are my edges? What does the next right step for me look like?"
Because that’s where real healing takes place — not in your relationship status, but in your relationship to yourself.
If what I've shared has resonated and you'd like to dive deeper with me, consider joining me for my free training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love ✨
This 75-minute session is rich with insight and practical tools. I’ll walk you through:
- My 3-part framework for healing anxious attachment
- The real reasons you may still feel stuck (even if you’ve “done the work”)
- How to tell the difference between your anxious attachment and true relational misalignment
If what I’ve shared here resonated, I promise you’ll get so much from this.
Sending love
Steph
